Beginning

Welcome to my blog, thank you for stopping by. If this is your first time to my blog, it's nice to meet you. If you've been here before, welcome back.

My writing journey has begun. The road will have some bumps and detours. I only hope that the first hill is not too high, and the journey is long.














Monday, September 5, 2011

Campaigner Challenge 200-Word Short Fiction

Rachael has posted our first Campaigner Challenge — the rules are:

     Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

     If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count)

     For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

Here’s mine — 200 words.

On Her Own
      The door swung open. The shop seemed airless, today, suffocating in the heat, the air thick with dust motes floating in the shafts of light. Today, despite its agonizing length, was still only half over. Nia walked ahead of him through the shop toward the back office. She was aware of him behind her, aware of his gait and posture, which suddenly seems unnatural, too stiff.

     The pain was building inside her so that she was actually clutching her stomach. It was so physical that it actually hurt. She needed to talk to someone. She’d never been much for talking to anyone before; she’d always believed she could solve her own problems. But, this time she knew she couldn’t. Now she was on her own. She remembered how they’d looked at her, eyes full of concern. She didn’t want to be pitied by them, not ever.

     She felt the hot tears sting her eyes again and she clenched her jaws. I will not let him make me cry, she told herself as she walked into the back office.

     In the window glass ahead of her, she can see a reflection of the two of them, as the door swung shut.

The link to Rachael's blog is: 
     http://rachaelharrie.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaigner-challenge.html 

     Here you can stop by and read the other entries to the campaign.  I am looking forward to stopping by and reading the entries, I hope you will, too!

41 comments:

Madeleine said...

This piece provokes lots of questions about where the story will lead. I noticed some shifts in tense as I was reading.

I liked the way it ended with her seeing them both in the glass, which had great impact.

Maeve Frazier said...

Hi Madeleine - Thanks for stopping by. I did the change in shifts on purpose - thought it might open the door for some fun/interesting comments. ;) Thanks for noticing! I am liking this campaign.

Nadja Notariani said...

I liked the ending with her seeing their reflections, too! ~ Nadja

Joanna said...

I want to know more, Maeve!

1000th.monkey said...

Very interesting... I read this a couple of times because I liked it so much ;)

Alleged Author said...

Love the way you expressed her pain as being so palpable. Great job!

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Would love to know what happened next!

Lady Gwen said...

I can only imagine what he's done/will do to her. Nice job of building the tension!

Patricia T. said...

Did she throw up? Great description of how she felt. Wanted to know more.

Patrica T.

Abby said...

Oh man! 200 words is not enough! Love this though. Very well written. Great imagery.

Maeve Frazier said...

Nadja - thanks, I like that part, too.

1000th.monkey - thank you so much.

Alleged Author - thank you. I love your icon! :)

Ruth - me too! haha

Lady Gwen - thanks, this is fun, isn't it?

Patricia T. - hmmm, that would be a nice addition. Thanks!

Christine Rains said...

Very well done! I love the imagery you created.

Christine Fonseca said...

Nice - it left me intrigued!

Doralynn Kennedy said...

Her pain is so palpable in this piece. I could feel it. Makes me wonder what's happening. Has she been fired? Is it a romantic breakup?

Stacy S. Jensen said...

Maeve. Not my usual comment. Tonight, I'm stopping by to let you know your story was one of my top 5 in this challenge. So, your story will advance to stage 2 in this challenge. Good luck. - Stacy

Cortney said...

Very intriguing! Her pain is so real, I want to know more of what is going on! Nicely done!

bridget said...

Icould feel her pain. I'm loving all the different stories. I'm #72

David Powers King said...

You ended that on an awesome, even chilling note. Chilled me, anyway. Reflections do that. Great work, Maeve! :)

Theresa Milstein said...

You definitely raised a lot of questions. Who is he? What's wrong with her? Why is she on her own? I'm intrigued!

Tara Tyler said...

really feel for her! what could be wrong?
and way to go to the 2nd round!

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

I connected with your female character right away. Felt her pain and wondered what exactly had happened?

I'm in the Campaign as well - #76 :-)

Ron Smith said...

Interesting and draws you in. I still have to write mine!

Doreen said...

All of these pieces are SO different. I really wanted to know what happened next..

Isis Rushdan said...

I really felt her pain. Great job at making me want to know more.

Maeve Frazier said...

Christine R. & Christine F. - Thank you both.

Doralynn - Hmmn, No, but I like that idea.

Stacy - Thank you and so exciting!

Cortney - Thank you.

Bridget - I am enjoying reading everyone else's short fiction posts.

David - Thank you. :)

Theresa - Now if I can have all the answers :)

Maeve Frazier said...

Tara - Thank you. I am excited and nervous about round 2.

Angela - Thank you. I'll be by.

Ron - I'm looking forward to reading yours.

Doreen - It is amazing how many stories are coming out of those two short lines.

Isis - Thank you.

Susie Medwell said...

Really gripping - and thought provoking. I wanted to know whta happened next!

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting, Maeve! :-)

Candy Fite said...

Loving the image of the "airless" and dusty room. My nose itches just reading your story. Provoking.

Maeve Frazier said...

Susie - Thank you!

Angela - Thank you, it was my pleasure!

Candy - Thanks for your comments.

Amanda Milner said...

Your story left me needing more. :) Lots of questions I want answered. Why was she pitied and what was she doing with this man that could make her cry?? The menacing atmosphere at the end when she saw their reflection was perfect. Something bad was about to go down, well at least that's how I imagined it. ;)

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Great tension! i don't know exactly what's going to happen to Nia in that office, but it sure doesn't sound good!

Richard said...

Haven't we all felt that way at one time or another?

kirstenlopresti said...

Nice. I like the way you ended it.

Elaine AM Smith said...

Poor girl, I'm not sure what is causing it but her pain is so palpable. Great job!

Maeve Frazier said...

Amanda - Thank you! You imagined correctly!!

Susanna - :) Thank you!

Richard - Definitely!

Kirsten - Thanks :)

Elaine - Thanks :)

Thank you everyone - I am having so much fun reading all of your stories.

Sheri L. Swift said...

Very nice & very sad. I wanted to know what she would do next. ; )

Tia Bach said...

"I will not let him make me cry" broke my heart, and then the reflection of two... wonderful!

Dora Hiers said...

Great job packing emotion and intrigue into your 200 words, Maeve. Congrats!

Sher A. Hart said...

Hello from another campaigner! Had to come here after you commented on my 9/11 poem, which took me even longer than my flash fiction entry. I can't help wondering if your shop owner? employee? is on her own due to death or divorce. Sad. But I loved how you became Lolli! Very Punny! Like how I share my heart in my pun name. Now following.

KSCollier said...

I got the feeling she was getting the axe at work. Tell me, tell me, TELL ME! My curiosity is piqued. Good job.